Friday, January 9, 2009

Taking the DIE out of DIET!

Hi, my name is Angel and this is my story of how the first three letters in a simple word almost ruined the beginning of a new year.

I woke to 2009 with catnip hopes and salmon wishes...Until my mom said, "We need to get started on our *to do* list of New Year's resolutions."

The key words being "We" and "Our..." I don't remember signing up!

If I did I'm sure it was a catnip induced response. Following her announcement Mom grabbed me from my cushy covers and marched us towards the dreaded scale. It was time for the obligatory post holiday weigh in. With trepidation she lightly tiptoed onto the weighing machine. Her eyes started to glaze over as the numbers rolled on and on like a Vegas slot machine. (I say what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas.) When at last it stopped to reveal the final tally, she moaned as if the outcome was a big surprise. Then, she actually had the nerve to say , "Hmmm,
as I think back...I may have indulged just a little."

Who does she think she's foolin'!!? Had that Christmas ham been boneless she would have swallowed it whole!

I can understand why she feels the need to hit the gym, but I don't see any problem with my lifestyle.

I could see, by the determined look in her eyes, I didn't stand a chance of lounging comfortably around the house any longer. I knew she'd be heading to the dark recesses of her closet for her arsenal of fashionista gym attire.

My retinas haven't quite heeled from last year's visions of the favored pink Converse high top tennies.

My mom really knows how to test the SPAND in spandex. Why does she test me too, by asking how she looks? Like I'm gonna say........You look like a giant bottle of Pepto Bismol! Instead I......

until she pulled out my outfit. Now the joke was on me. Oh well.

Time to hit the gym. I was hoping my gym ID would be in question. Instead they admired my fashion statement and led me to the workout zone. So it began. I tried to get lost in the masses of other New Year's Resolutionists. Somehow I wound up in a boxing class which wasn't a big hit. (Pun intended.)

I barely made it past the "one two" punch by my sparing partner. Ego still intact, I escaped sustaining only minor injuries. I thought I was in the clear until a gym rat came by and coaxed me onto the heavy duty equipment.

Some horses weren't meant to ride.
It suddenly dawned on me I hadn't seen my mom in awhile.

I ventured out through the crowd until I finally found her, the picture of grace and flexibility on a treadmill.

Ouch, it wasn't pretty. She'd had her fill and so had I. We made a hasty exit home. It was perfect timing, cause I knew dinner would be our next to do. I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into something juicy and fishy. Instead I was dished up a meal fit for Bugs Bunny.

Whats up doc? Where's the fish? That put this wascally wabbit over the edge.
I had to pull out the big guns....


No not those. These...SWEET CONFECTIONS!

After my mom crashed from her sugar high it was time to relax. That's when Dad came on to the scene.

He got Mom's bath ready since the bath and I don't mix company.

After Mom was settled into her bubble bath I knew it was my turn for a little R&R.

As I was laying there reflecting back on the day's events, I realized change isn't a bad thing. I just needed to teach my mom a creative solution.

Taking a whole new approach will open endless possibilities

To see the potential of what we really can become,

we just needed to find the right fit for us.

You can take the girl out of American Bandstand but, you can't take American Bandstand out of the girl. You just have revise it a bit.

Well, this is the end of my day and story. My bed never felt so good.

I think I'll sleep like a kitten.